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by eden

It’s hard to believe in fantasy romance

November 9, 2011 in Eden's Posts

Comikaze was rad—it took my mind off of everything and gave me the chance to escape for a minute. I even stole away some time to read part of my favorite kind of book—young adult fantasy romance, of course. It gave me the chance to get my mind off of Gretchen, as well as Jamal. Ever since she disappeared, he changes the subject whenever I mention it. He just wants to talk about us. I should be flattered that he’s all about our young adult romance, but it’s a little scary, too. Plus, Jamal wants to move faster than even I do—and I’m the one that needs to! It’s scary because I don’t want him to just disappear one day after I’ve opened myself up like this—but then when I’m with him, I really do just want to jump in. He wants to know everything about my dad and is curious about me, which I appreciate, and steals away to be with me every chance I can. It’s just hard to believe that a Pearl could really fall in love like this…

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by ethics officer

What to wear for young adult romance

October 27, 2011 in Apocalypse World

When you’re trying to find a mate, you always want to make a stellar first impression. While we always hope that we’ll find a young adult fantasy romance based on our inner beauty, the truth is, when you’re dating and mating, your potentially perfect mate is most likely judging you on your physical appearance. Plus, your attire and style reveals a lot about your personality.

While a great outfit may not affect your date’s impression of you, a bad outfit most definitely will hinder your chances for a young adult romance. We polled our dating and mating experts for some tips on finding attire that will improve your chances of obtaining that perfect adventure romance with the perfect mate.

A standard rule, even when you’re not trying to find a mate for a fantasy romance, is that being underdressed is always better than being overdressed. This is true for the whole courting period of a young adult fantasy romance, but especially on first dates. More importantly, make sure you wear something that makes you feel confident and good about yourself.

Women should choose flattering silhouettes and nothing too revealing or tight—you want to attract an ideal young adult romance not a one night stand. Don’t show too much skin or cleavage, but choose your best asset and wear something that showcases it. Make sure your outfit fits well so you’re not adjusting it the entire date. Eden Newman shared one of her interracial dating experiences with us—she went super casual to a dinner hosted by her Coal boyfriend’s sister, who was appalled by her flip flops.

Men should avoid extremes when dressing for their potential adventure romance—it’s not the time to try out a new look. Wear something simple and classic. Even if it’s casual, avoid crocs or running shoes (unless your date entails working out). No matter what, stay away from white socks! The object of your fantasy romance will run away fast, even if she’s wearing stilettos.

These are also good principles to keep in mind when creating online dating profiles on a website like Save the Pearls. You want your date to be attracted to you as a whole, not because you’re falling out of your blouse. While you’re looking for the ideal young adult fantasy relationship, you need to look like yourself in your online dating profiles, not your fantasy of what you look like. While avoiding a romantic apocalypse requires intense effort, you should by no means fabricate your looks in order to attract a date.

Stay tuned to Eden Newman as she works to Save the Pearls while avoiding her own romantic apocalypse.

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by ethics officer

Be present

October 25, 2011 in Apocalypse World

If you’ve been playing the dating and mating game for a while and you finally meet someone you think could be the perfect mate, you may get a little nervous about going on dates and making them fun, bonding experiences. When you’re trying to create a young adult fantasy romance, it’s important to make sure that your dates are memorable… in a good way.

Start by being present—this is one of the best ways for taking the beginnings of a young adult fantasy into the type of adventure romance that’s written about in old school harlequin romance novels. When you’re in the moment, it’s obvious—and not just relevant to trying to find a mate or locking down that young adult fantasy romance. When you stay present, it makes your entire life better and more enjoyable.

Make it a point to truly listen to your date, making eye contact and offering interjections here and there to let them know you’re engaged. If you met through posting online dating profiles on a dating and mating site like Save the Pearls, you didn’t have to worry about this factor at first. In person, it’s an entirely different game. You need to listen and pay attention to the little things when you’re getting to know someone. Even if you’re ultimately not interested in them, they could be the perfect mate for a friend—if you truly listen to what they have to say you may recognize a potential young adult romance they could have with someone else that you’re close to. Guess who’ll get the bouquet thrown their way at the wedding!

Stay connected with the moment—leave your phone in the car so that you’re not texting, checking Facebook, or browsing online dating profiles. Be polite—give the person the same courtesy you expect. When you’re trying to find a mate and a fantasy romance, you just can’t be rude. You never know who your date may know! Plus, it’s practice. Eden Newman shared a video in the “Watch” section of the Save the Pearls site, of her friend who basically experienced her own romantic apocalypse on camera. It was awful—definitely not the basis of a plot for one of her favorite harlequin romance novels. The guy was a jerk, and while he was looking for a fantasy romance, it was not with her, and gave her no attention after he got what he wanted. He actually wanted to pursue an interracial dating situation. Perhaps if they spoke about that and paid attention to each other dying one of their dates, one of them would have recognized this and avoided their whole on-camera romantic apocalypse.

When you want to bring your young adult fantasy to life, being present is an amazing tool. Whether you dream of interracial relationships or an adventure romance, you’ve got to be patient and live in the moment. Sometimes it’s difficult to watch Eden Newman in her quest to find her own fantasy romance—because of her imminent deadline, it’s hard for her to not worry about the future. Yet even if she only has a few weeks left, being present every moment of every day will help her manifest the young adult romance she’s dreaming of.

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by eden

Is this really happening?

October 18, 2011 in Eden's Posts

It’s moving really fast with Jamal. He’s saying things that are kind of freaking me out—that he’s never met anyone like me or felt this way before. After being closed off to adventure romance for so long and thinking of it just as a survival tool, it’s amazing to have someone be so into me—let alone someone who is such a catch! It’s almost scary, I can’t even believe this is happening. I may just avoid my romantic apocalypse after all! When people would tell me stories about how they found their young adult fantasy romance, I would secretly balk at them. Now I know it exists, even for a Pearl. Hopefully, this will be the end of my dating and mating journey and the beginning of life with my perfect mate. Perhaps the young adult fantasy really does exist…

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by ethics officer

Going Back for Seconds

October 17, 2011 in Apocalypse World

When the romantic apocalypse is upon you and there are no prospects for a young adult fantasy romance in sight, it can be tempting to get back together with one who you once thought was the perfect mate. If you’ve managed to stay friends and you know they’re a good catch, rekindling an old flame can seem right out of the stories in Harlequin romance novels and YA fiction. Yet there are a few things to consider before re-establishing that fantasy romance.

Keep in mind that it’s easy to idealize a past young adult romance, especially when dating and mating isn’t going so well. That said, with a little bit of honesty and a new perspective, you may be able to find a mate in an ex and have a successful adventure romance. You’ll also have to be careful to not repeat the same mistakes so you don’t find yourself immersed in another romantic apocalypse. Below are some tips for navigating this delicate area of dating and mating.

Look for change
The reasons you broke up the first time around must be eliminated. If your ex was the perfect mate except for their excessive partying and drug use, then that element has to be gone for this to become the young adult fantasy romance you want. Perhaps you had some control issues that took the young adult fantasy right out of the mix last time—if you’ve tamed those issues, then it’s possible to make it work this time. Or maybe you lived too far apart and now one of you has moved closer. If a behavioral issue was at the core of the relationship’s demise last time around, then make sure to watch for an extended period of time to make sure those changes are real before you reconcile. If your ex was one of your interracial relationships and it caused issues for them, this is probably something that didn’t just go away and this issue will rear its ugly heads again, killing this adventure romance even quicker than before. Eden Newman experienced exactly that type of situation in her quest to save the Pearls.

Take it slow
As with any new young adult romance, it’s tempting to jump right back in. However, the key to making this fantasy romance last is actually to take it slow. If both of you have changed, then you need to get to know each other again and adjust to each other’s transformations. It’s also good to slow down the physical intimacy and treat this just like you would any other brand new relationship. This helps you make more rational decisions and be sure that it’s time to cancel all your online dating profiles and stop trying to find a mate in other people.

Discuss what went wrong the first time around
Even though you don’t want to rehash the ugly past from your original fantasy romance, having an honest discussion about what went wrong the first time can help you avoid those same issues. It’s important to discuss why it was necessary to change and think of ways to avoid the situations that evoke bad feelings or conflict. For this to grow into the kind of young adult fantasy written about in Harlequin romance novels, you’ve got to be open and honest.

Don’t do it to avoid loneliness
Obviously, for Pearls like Eden Newman and all the others who’ve created online dating profiles on the Save the Pearls site, finding a mate is more about survival than avoiding loneliness. There are also those who only seek interracial dating opportunities and interracial relationships, and loneliness is not a factor. However, for some, the quest stems from a fear of being alone, which is the worst reason to rekindle an old flame. Make sure that you miss the actual person, not just having their companionship. Good luck on making this work! Our next post will tackle the subject of interracial dating…

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by ethics officer

Creating killer online dating profiles

October 14, 2011 in Apocalypse World

Are you fed up with dating and mating in the bar scene but are ready for the perfect young adult fantasy romance? Is it time to create some online dating profiles so you can find a mate? If so, here are some tips for making the best online dating profiles for the Save the Pearls site or any other dating and mating websites designed to help you attract the perfect mate and avoid a romantic apocalypse. Your profile can be the roadmap to your own young adult fantasy.

Start with a drop-dead photo—just make sure it truly looks like you. The next step for getting that young adult romance in motion is to write a description of yourself. Here are a few tips for creating an amazing piece that conveys the real you, written by dating experts and our Save the Pearls serial dater, Eden Newman, in her quest to find a mate for her ideal fantasy romance.

Start with a draft. When you’re writing your description, create a rough draft first. You definitely want to proofread it and perhaps look at it the next day to make sure you’re saying what you want to. While you’re not trying to submit this to a publisher of Harlequin romance novels, you don’t want it to be riddled with errors.

Keep it real. A young adult fantasy romance isn’t actually built on fantasies. If you hate sports, don’t say you love them. While we all want a fun adventure romance, it needs to be adventure that you like. If you’re seeking interracial relationships, be honest about your background. Interracial dating is not easy, so you want to be sure your potential date is open to it if you are.

Don’t worry about perfection. Think of your profile as a work-in-progress. You can always add and delete elements as you search for the perfect mate. Eden Newman shared that she tweaks hers regularly, as she learns more about what she wants from her fantasy romance.

Simplicity is Key. No need to use elaborate vernacular unless you do so on the regular. Stay away from curse words, text-message style abbreviations like OMG and LOL, or urban slang to attract interracial relationships. That type of thing can seem pretentious and inauthentic.

Have fun with it. Most importantly, have fun with your profile. This is the first step in creating an adventure romance and avoiding a romantic apocalypse. Love can be like the stories written about in Harlequin romance novels—enduring, passionate and loyal. You are the creator of your own young adult fantasy. If you seek others interested in interracial dating or a mate who truly believes that young adult romance exists, gear your profile to attract that type of person.

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by ethics officer

The Secret Relationship—Adventure Romance or Bad Idea?

October 5, 2011 in Apocalypse World

On your quest for that perfect young adult romance, have you ever found yourself immersed in a secret relationship? A covert type of adventure romance that was thrilling and exciting, but mostly because you kept this fantasy romance under wraps?

In the search for your perfect mate, you may find yourself dating and mating with someone you want to keep a secret. Your could be interracial dating situation but your family doesn’t approve of interracial relationships. Maybe you thought you found a young adult fantasy romance with a coworker, but didn’t want your gossipy colleagues to know, or there was a policy against workplace dating. Perhaps you’re in an undercover relationship with someone you know is not your perfect mate, so you set up online dating profiles to keep your options open. There are many reasons stealth relationships can occur, but while secrecy can give them elements of young adult fantasy and allure, there can be plenty of consequences as well.

Studies have shown that secret relationships were associated with less commitment. Those involved tend to not think of each other as partners, which limits the relationship’s feelings of intimacy and connection—sounds like the makings of a romantic apocalypse, rather than the enduring love written about in Harlequin romance novels. When you’re trying to find a mate or create the young adult fantasy romance of your dreams, it’s best to come from an honest place and not have to lie to the others in your life. An adventure romance is about having fun while you’re dating and mating, not feeling bad about being dishonest all the time.

Eden Newman found herself in stealth situation before—she was secretly dating a coal who didn’t want his family to know he was interracial dating. While she was fine with interracial relationships, he was not, and this led to much fighting, embarrassing moments where she had to hide, and ultimately led to a full-on romantic apocalypse, not the young adult romance she was seeking. This is partly why Eden Newman founded the Save the Pearls campaign and encourages others to create online dating profiles to find a mate and a fantasy romance.

Ultimately, if you’re trying for a young adult fantasy relationship, hiding it will most likely undermine its foundation. While secret trysts may be the basis for many Harlequin romance novels, it’s not something we recommend here at Save the Pearls.

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by ethics officer

Fantasy romance and exclusivity

September 28, 2011 in Apocalypse World

When you’re going through the dating and mating process and trying to find the perfect mate, there may be times when you’re uncertain of your relationship status. In our last post, we discussed ways to determine whether your young adult fantasy romance was on the right track or if you’re headed for a romantic apocalypse. Interesting tidbit: Save the Pearls membership rose immediately after that was posted. Perhaps some of our readers put down the young adult books and Harlequin romance novels to spend some time creating quality online dating profiles.

Here are some other ways to know whether it’s time to move on and find a mate or if you’re on the way to that fantasy romance.

Gifting
A recent poll found that when men buy women gifts, they were more likely to consider the relationship on a serious level and that they may think they’ve found the perfect mate. When the gift is expensive, it’s an even greater indicator that your young adult romance is not just a passing fling. If gifts are never a part of your interaction, it may be a sign that you’re headed right for a romantic apocalypse.

Doin’ the Wild Thing
While no one in the poll said that sexual intimacy indicated exclusivity, it was considered important in a serious adventure romance. However, men also said they consider sex necessary in a serious relationship; this may be why they view it as a critical aspect of dating and mating.

The Total Package

The most important thing is to look for all of the signs. These behaviors should all be taking place if you want your adventure romance to have lasting power. When you’re trying to find a mate and a fantasy romance, it’s best to discuss exclusivity at some point to confirm this isn’t just a whirlwind experience taken from the stories in Harlequin romance novels. Watching for these signs and taking notice of your date’s behavior will help you feel confident that this is a young adult fantasy relationship and not the road to a romantic apocalypse.

Keep checking our posts to learn more about young adult fantasy romance, interracial dating and online dating profiles, while tuning in to Eden Newman and her quest to Save the Pearls.

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