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by ethics officer

Fantasy romance and exclusivity

September 28, 2011 in Apocalypse World

When you’re going through the dating and mating process and trying to find the perfect mate, there may be times when you’re uncertain of your relationship status. In our last post, we discussed ways to determine whether your young adult fantasy romance was on the right track or if you’re headed for a romantic apocalypse. Interesting tidbit: Save the Pearls membership rose immediately after that was posted. Perhaps some of our readers put down the young adult books and Harlequin romance novels to spend some time creating quality online dating profiles.

Here are some other ways to know whether it’s time to move on and find a mate or if you’re on the way to that fantasy romance.

Gifting
A recent poll found that when men buy women gifts, they were more likely to consider the relationship on a serious level and that they may think they’ve found the perfect mate. When the gift is expensive, it’s an even greater indicator that your young adult romance is not just a passing fling. If gifts are never a part of your interaction, it may be a sign that you’re headed right for a romantic apocalypse.

Doin’ the Wild Thing
While no one in the poll said that sexual intimacy indicated exclusivity, it was considered important in a serious adventure romance. However, men also said they consider sex necessary in a serious relationship; this may be why they view it as a critical aspect of dating and mating.

The Total Package

The most important thing is to look for all of the signs. These behaviors should all be taking place if you want your adventure romance to have lasting power. When you’re trying to find a mate and a fantasy romance, it’s best to discuss exclusivity at some point to confirm this isn’t just a whirlwind experience taken from the stories in Harlequin romance novels. Watching for these signs and taking notice of your date’s behavior will help you feel confident that this is a young adult fantasy relationship and not the road to a romantic apocalypse.

Keep checking our posts to learn more about young adult fantasy romance, interracial dating and online dating profiles, while tuning in to Eden Newman and her quest to Save the Pearls.

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by ethics officer

He loves me, he loves me not

September 27, 2011 in Apocalypse World

Here is a dating and mating question from a friend of Eden Newman. In her quest to save the pearls and find a mate so she can experience a young adult fantasy romance, Eden’s met many other girls who are also looking for their perfect mate.

“My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he still hasn’t said he loves me. When we first met, he told me that he doesn’t think he’s a capable of love but he that he was trying to find a mate. Should I ask him directly if he loves me yet? If I’m not his perfect mate, I want to know that so I can move on and start dating and mating.”–Forever waiting for the L-Word

Ouch, that sounds less like a young adult fantasy than a romantic apocalypse. When a man tells you something about himself, it’s best to believe what he says. While in Harlequin romance novels or young adult romance books, sometimes the heroine has to endure a struggle to convince the man she loves that he loves her too, this is real life, not a fantasy romance.

By staying with him, you’re telling your boyfriend that you’re okay with being in this young adult romance, even if he doesn’t love you. Regardless of how happy you are with him, you need to talk to him about his feelings. If he still doesn’t love you or believe in love, you’re just wasting your time, when you could be browsing online dating profiles and finding your own fantasy romance. Avoid your own romantic apocalypse and seek what you deserve: a young adult fantasy romance.

Eden Newman recently shared how she was willing to wait for the real deal, an adventure romance like the kind she used to read about in Harlequin romance novels. Whether you seek interracial relationships or are trying to help save the pearls, visit SavethePearls.com to learn more about the cause and what young adult fantasy is really about. Set up your online dating profiles and start that journey towards your own adventure romance.

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by ethics officer

The Exclusivity Factor

September 22, 2011 in Apocalypse World

Since a fundamental part of The Save the Pearls campaign is to help Pearls find the perfect mate and navigate the world of dating and mating, it’s also our mission to provide strategies for creating a successful relationship. Eden Newman had an awesome question for us this week: how do you know if your relationship is exclusive? That’s a question almost everyone faces in their adventure romance, and since we’re not all living in the world of Harlequin romance novels, it takes work to create the young adult romance you’re dreaming of.

After browsing online dating profiles so you can find a mate—the perfect mate, of course, you may date for a period of time and not be sure of your status. Here are some things to look for so that you don’t suddenly find yourself immersed in a romantic apocalypse rather than a young adult fantasy romance.

Getting it together.
After weeks of sorting through online dating profiles and going on dates, you think you’ve found someone cool. Often times, people spend a lot of time interacting online before actually meeting in person—instead make sure you’re going to social activities and events together. Get some quality time in so that you can see if it’s really a fantasy romance in the making.

Getting introduced to the friends.
You can be sure your young adult fantasy romance is headed in the right direction if your date brings you around their friends. It means that they are confident being seen with you if they bring you to parties or their regular hangouts. If their friends knew about you in advance, even better. This factor ranked particularly high with Pearls, but much lower in interracial relationships or those that were in casual, interracial dating situations.

Meeting the Family
One of the most nerve wracking events in any adventure romance is meeting the family. If you’re dating and mating and the one you like introduces you to his family, there’s a good chance they’re taking this seriously. Likewise, a bad interaction with the family can lead to the demise of your young adult romance and place you on the verge of—you guessed it, romantic apocalypse. This factor ranked extremely high with Coals, lower with Pearls, and lowest among interracial relationships. However, it was a major concern for our lovely Eden Newman.

Stylin’ and Profilin’
Has your quest to find a mate been a whirlwind of fantasy romance, the exact stuff of Harlequin romance novels? Do you go out to nice restaurants or are you still meeting up at the club? Do you start the night together or are you just getting a booty call? This isn’t a young adult fantasy novel—it’s reality. Look at how and where you spend your time together and you’ll know whether you’re on the serious track or the friends with benefits path.

Whether you’re interested in interracial dating or learning how to create a young adult fantasy relationship, the Save the Pearls site will give you all the resources you need for this journey.

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by ethics officer

Why do we fall out of love??

September 13, 2011 in Apocalypse World

You’re head over heels—you found that fantasy romance you always dreamt of. After months of browsing online dating profiles, you thought you found the one, the perfect mate you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It was as if your life was the plot of one of the best Harlequin romance novels. Then all of a sudden, it was over. What happened?

Bottom line: love doesn’t always last. Despite your best efforts to keep the adventure romance going, it may just not be meant to be. The question is, can you do anything to stop love from ending? We asked some experts why the young adult fantasy ends and how we fall out of love.

Fear. Often times, we’re in a relationship with who we think is the perfect mate—and then we cause our own romantic apocalypse. When intimacy gets too scary, we may unconsciously push an open, loving, emotionally available partner away by diminishing their worth in our own heads and to them. This happens when we know deep inside that we’re very vulnerable with this person and our defense mechanisms kick in to sabotage it. If you find yourself killing the young adult romance before it’s had the chance to grow, be aware. If you have to, talk to a therapist or counselor. When you find a mate, be open with your feelings and when this feeling comes up, share with them how you are trying to deal with this fear. Don’t go creating a bunch of new online dating profiles either. Try to work through this issue now instead, because it will just keep rearing its ugly head.

Lack of communication. Regular communication is essential to having that amazing relationship that has all the makings of Harlequin romance novels. When you’re dating and mating, you must discuss your issues and be able to voice your complaints in a productive way. The earlier the better—it’s becomes more difficult to face issues later on. We’re not talking about fighting or playing the blame game—it’s about keeping your adventure romance on track by letting your partner know when you’re upset or which behaviors annoy you.

When we’re trying to find a mate, we tend to pit our on our best front. Once you’re immersed in that young adult fantasy romance, you may let your guard down and show new sides of yourself that surprise your partner. This is why it’s always best to be yourself from the get go, and that includes being honest about your likes and dislikes. Forget about being “right” all the time—focus instead on keeping the fantasy romance alive, being thoughtful and careful about how you behave towards each other and communicating effectively and sympathetically.

Change. Eden Newman shared a story with us about how one of the potential mates in one of her interracial relationships seemed like the perfect match for dating and mating. Then, after many months, he shared with her that while he was okay with interracial dating, he was not okay with having children with her.

Over time, people can change—or more often, they become who they really are. In addition, they can change their mind based on their experience in their young adult romance or long-term relationship, especially when it comes to interracial relationships. The man that Eden Newman was dating may have just decided that it wasn’t for him, after realizing the problems they encountered dating in a world where she was working on the save the pearls campaign and he was not behind it. They came from two different worlds and he simply decided that this young adult fantasy romance wasn’t for him. Thus began Eden’s personal romantic apocalypse.

People may decide they no longer love their career. They may want to throw away that amazing medical career to become an artist. People evolve and their circumstances change and that may ultimately affect their relationship. The most important thing is to know the difference between your young adult fantasy and who your partner really is at their core. Whether you’re interracial dating, in a homosexual relationship or there is a sizeable age difference, the parties involved are always going to be susceptible to change. Life is about changing and growing.

So keep working on your mate-rate, educate yourself about successful relationships, and learn to be open to all of the elements of love. Most importantly, be aware that not every relationship is meant to last forever and sometimes they will transcend to beautiful, lifelong friendships. Either way, seize the day, enjoy the journey… and help us save the pearls!

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by ethics officer

Improving Your Mate-Rate

September 9, 2011 in Apocalypse World

I love it when people try to tell you that attractiveness doesn’t matter when you’re trying to find a mate. Perhaps that’s true in the world of Harlequin romance novels, but not in a world where you need to save the pearls, lol. When you’re dating and mating, or at least trying to, one of the most essential elements of finding the perfect mate is your level of attractiveness, or mate-rate, as we like to call it.

Unfortunately, looks matter, and with technological advances and the media savvy world we live in, image has become increasingly important. From our wardrobe and looks to our level of fitness, charisma and ability to hold a conversation, we’re always being noticed or judged—especially when others are browsing our online dating profiles. It’s as if a romantic apocalypse is upon us and if we don’t project ourselves in the most positive light possible, we’ll never manifest the young adult fantasy romance we’ve been dreaming of.

While perfection is elusive, the basis of attracting the perfect mate begins with physical attraction. Most of us are not just looking to become friends with someone—we’re looking for the butterflies, the young adult fantasy that takes us by storm and makes us forget anyone else ever existed. Respect and friendship are important components of relationships, but there has to be a strong attraction and some bit of chemistry for a fantasy romance to occur.

One of the best ways to improve your mate-rate and obtain that adventure romance is to improve your looks. This means getting in the best physical shape of your life—working out regularly and always striving to take your fitness to the next level. This isn’t just key to attracting others when you’re dating and mating—it boost your flow of endorphins so that you’re happier and more confident, and therefore, more attractive. As Eden Newman points out, Pearls have it harder than most others, especially if they’re involved in interracial relationships. So it’s time to get that workout regimen going and get yourself in the best possible shape if you want to find a mate.

In addition to getting your workout on, grooming is another key aspect in obtaining the young adult fantasy romance of your dreams. In young adult fiction and Harlequin romance novels, they describe the heroine’s beauty in the first chapter. Follow suit by finding a stylish yet flattering haircut, getting lessons in skincare and makeup application, and follow the basic tenets of good grooming: manicures, pedicures, monthly facials, waxing, etc. This type of pampering makes you look and feel better. Plus, taking care of yourself makes you happier and more confident, and that much closer to finding your fantasy romance.

If you’re creating online dating profiles, make sure your profile pic is taken when you look your very best and that it reflects your personality. This is especially important when you’re seeking interracial dating prospects, as reflecting your personality in a photo will give the viewer more insight into who you are, when cultural differences may detract during the initial attraction phase. What is key, however, is that you don’t underplay the reality of what you look like in your pictures. Keep it real, but your very best real.

Make up for where you’re lacking in the physical department with personality. Many people find comedians very attractive due to their stage presence and personality. I’m not saying to prep your own stand-up routine or repertoire of jokes, but if you want to find that young adult romance, you’ve got to use your personality and highlight your best assets. Most importantly, identify your passions and pursue them—it will show your depth, you’ll be happier because you’re pursuing them, and it will translate into… you guessed it, attractiveness!

If you’re looking for an interracial romance, show your daredevil, thrill-seeking side. If you’re a bookworm who likes to bury your nose in the latest young adult romance books or graphic novels, be honest about that. This will help you attract someone with the same interests, which can lead to a successful, compatible relationship. If you’re interested in pursuing interracial relationships, then be upfront about that and honest about what you bring to the table. If you love to champion causes like homelessness, cancer prevention or the Save the Pearls campaign, share all your passions with your potential partner.

If you want advice or have questions about interracial dating, avoiding the romantic apocalypse or you just want to learn more about Eden Newman, send us an email at info@savethepearls.com! We look forward to hearing from you!

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by ethics officer

Know Your Limit

September 6, 2011 in Apocalypse World

An important element of dating is to know when it’s time to move on. Despite all that you’ve read in Harlequin romance novels and young adult fantasy fiction, some relationships are just not meant to work out. When you’re dating and mating, it’s key to identify when to throw in the towel and to be able to tell the difference between young adult fantasy from reality!

Let’s start with the chase—every good adventure romance needs an element of pursuit. When you’re looking for the perfect mate, you want to make sure you’re not calling and contacting the other person more than they’re reaching out to you. Women especially need to be on alert, as men aren’t necessarily going to tell them that they don’t think they are the perfect mate or that they’re no longer interested. Avoid your own personal romantic apocalypse by letting yourself get chased every now and then.

Another red flag to look for in your young adult fantasy romance is making excuses for the other’s behavior. When someone hasn’t called in days, it’s probably not because they got in a car accident, contracted pneumonia or have reached a critical juncture in the Save the Pearls campaign—it’s a sign that they’re just not feeling it anymore. Never make excuses or rationalize bad or indifferent behavior—your perfect mate is not going to make you wonder what they’re doing or how they feel about you. Remember, this is your personal adventure romance, when you’re trying to find a mate you have to embrace risk and be open to change. Don’t block out someone’s bad behavior by focusing on their good qualities. You’re dating and mating for a reason, and if this one doesn’t work out, you need to jump back on the horse and try again. There will be someone else! Start browsing online dating profiles, be open to interracial relationships and know that this one guy is not your romantic apocalypse.

When you’re trying to find a mate, it’s easy to mistake a passionate encounter with love.  Remember, life is not made up of Harlequin romance novels—this is real, and as much as one night may seem like the young adult fantasy romance you’ve been waiting for, it’s not always the case.  Don’t mistake dating for a game of winning someone over—Eden Newman learned this the hard way when she expected a quick encounter in her interracial dating experience as the young adult romance she was dying for it to be. One-sided love cannot transform a purely physical thing into the fantasy romance of a lifetime. Don’t settle for someone who is not certain about you—stand your ground and you will find what you’re looking for.

To browse online dating profiles, learn more about interracial dating and interracial relationships, and follow Eden Newman in her quest to Save the Pearls, visit SavethePearls.com. We’re all hoping she finds the young adult romance that she’s looking for!

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by ethics officer

Creating Powerful Attraction

August 24, 2011 in Apocalypse World

Trying to find a mate?? Dreaming of adventure romance and the kind of love that Harlequin romance novels are made of? Look no further, because this new blog is a permanent part of the Save the Pearls website and will have all sorts of relationship advice to help you create the young adult romance you’re looking for.

When it comes to dating and mating with the goal of creating a long-lasting relationship, it takes more than just chemistry or good looks. The most integral element at the heart of every great relationship, whether we’re talking about same sex, heterosexual or interracial relationships, is to instill a powerful, enduring attraction—the old school Fred and Ginger type, where you seem so connected and always complement each other yet never step on each other’s feet. The synergistic connection that lets you know you’ve found the perfect mate.

Your perfect young adult fantasy romance is really a dance between two people based on silent signals that either work together to build lasting attraction or foreshadow a romantic apocalypse, aka breakup. Below are some powerful tips for building a deep, long lasting attraction that is the essential building block of your own young adult fantasy romance.

Be passionate about your own life
When you’re looking for the perfect mate, physical attraction is just a bonus, the icing on the cake. More importantly, you need to know what you want for yourself, what you like and what you want to do with your life… and pursue all of it. Your goals and causes will make you feel excited about your life, and as a result, make you more attractive in general, but most importantly, to the right person for you. For example, Eden Newman has dedicated herself to the Save the Pearls cause. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is so attractive because of it and we all know she will find the young adult romance she’s searching for—you know the kind, the ones they write about in young adult romance novels.

Once you immerse yourself in a quest to fulfill your passions, you will organically send signals to the opposite sex and your attractiveness will just grow.

Bring it
One of the most important things you need to do to have your own adventure romance is to bring the fun! Having fun together is a powerful binding tool and an important element in finding a mate—not just any mate, but the one that is right for you. When you do things you both like, it gives you a chance to learn about your compatibility, and when you share each other’s favorite things to do, you get a chance to be creative together, laugh and create memories. If you’re into interracial dating or are attracted from those from other countries and cultures, the chances of learning new, exciting things is great, and you are certain to develop a strong bond when you enjoy sharing new things together.

Whether you like to surf, ride bikes, play golf or go to movies, engaging in any type of fun activities together strengthens attraction and makes it grow more powerful.

Be open

When you’re dating and mating, whether in person or by browsing online dating profiles, you’ve got to learn to open up to the person you like. Sharing how you feel and what you’re looking for is key to the success of your young adult fantasy. This will help you to develop mutual trust and show that you’re comfortable in your own skin. It will also eliminate game-playing and make both individuals feel both safe and excited about spending time together.

Stay tuned to all the killer relationship advice we’ll dispense on this blog every week. We want you all to find the fantasy romance you’re looking for and be able to sustain life-changing, lasting relationships. Browse the online dating profiles at Savethepearls.com to find a mate, learn about interracial relationships and more, and watch Eden Newman manifest her own young adult fantasy and overcome the prospect of a romantic apocalypse. Next week, we will share some tips for successful interracial dating. Good luck!

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