Valentine’s Day is less than a week away and Jamal still hasn’t made plans with me. I know it’s a little early to be worried about a romantic apocalypse, but I think it’s shady. When you’re in a relationship, whether it’s complicated or not, you would think your boyfriend would be plotting out a night of fantasy romance. I haven’t heard a peep from him about it—for all I know he could be out of town next week.

Either way, it’s got me thinking. When I signed up for this relationship, I thought I’d done more than just find a mate—I truly believed my future would be filled with the kind of love you read about in fantasy and adventure novels. Jamal pledged his undying love and swore that he didn’t care in the least that I’m a Pearl and he’s a Coal. He promised all sorts of things: that my life would no longer be in jeopardy because of my race, that he only wanted to be with me and that our destiny would be filled with nothing but amazing days and nights. Instead, I find myself reading young adult books and wondering why I can’t have the same happy ending as their protagonists.

I feel like I’m in a difficult spot because if I bring it up to him, then I might just be pushing us both into that romantic apocalypse all of us Pearls dread. I don’t want to seem like some gross needy girl, clinging to a fantasy romance like I have nothing else in my life. On the other hand, I also feel like I shouldn’t look at him through rose colored glasses—that my feelings could be masking the truth about his intentions. I have to remember that he’s not a character from one of my favorite fantasy and adventure novels, he’s a real person and has flaws, some that I may not be aware of or that he’s in fact hiding. Now here I am, working day and night to save the Pearls, and I’m worried about speaking my mind to some dude. Yet, he’s not just any dude, he’s a Coal—and that puts us in different leagues, where I’m supposed to be the luckiest girl in the world to have even caught his attention.

If only I lived in the old world, or the ones I read about in young adult books, where people are considered equal and your survival isn’t dependant on if and when you find a mate. A world filled with real love, the kind that feels like pure fantasy and adventure, and sustains itself despite one’s class or race. I wonder if anything like that really ever existed?

Source: Missy Gainer